He had one of those small greek statue penises
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
