Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
