dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
