and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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