hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
