Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
