wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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