Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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