In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
