...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My breasts were aching with rage.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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