There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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