Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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