say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
