Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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