my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
