We need to rekindle our bromance
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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