I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
