I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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