If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
