That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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