Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
