How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I believe in your delicious
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
