just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
