I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Less talking, more tequila
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
