Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
