areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
