his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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