Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
