the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
