did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
