they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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