The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish I only lived at night.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
