my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
