New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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