I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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