apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
