I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
