Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk is a universal language darling
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
