paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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