You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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