Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
