its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Randomize
