Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.