I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga