Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

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(206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f

Replies (21) Good night (1604) Bad night (886)
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(561): View more from Florida

So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.

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(561): So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon. http://tfl.nu/ni4o

Replies (10) Good night (3404) Bad night (643)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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(651): I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol. http://tfl.nu/cmai

Replies (21) Good night (3717) Bad night (765)
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(352): View more from Florida

I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

(917): View more from New York City

I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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(352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1

Replies (122) Good night (3416) Bad night (15621)
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(585): View more from New York

He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

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(585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt

Replies (26) Good night (8093) Bad night (1395)
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(813): View more from Florida

well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

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(813): well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked http://tfl.nu/vpbr

Replies (23) Good night (4235) Bad night (1761)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(815): I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT. http://tfl.nu/gdsf

Replies (6) Good night (5289) Bad night (1118)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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(603): In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it http://tfl.nu/f0et

Replies (8) Good night (1396) Bad night (3251)
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(917): View more from New York City

hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever

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(917): hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever http://tfl.nu/y96z

Replies (7) Good night (2162) Bad night (814)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?

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(859): How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation? http://tfl.nu/5k7a

Replies (9) Good night (1684) Bad night (842)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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(610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1

Replies (20) Good night (3699) Bad night (810)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.

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(651): dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/gquq

Replies (5) Good night (1614) Bad night (651)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee

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(717): dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee http://tfl.nu/bnsi

Replies (10) Good night (541) Bad night (1001)
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(469): View more from Texas

I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.

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(469): I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years. http://tfl.nu/9l4v

Replies (5) Good night (886) Bad night (621)
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(386): View more from Florida

I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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(386): I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/eehc

Replies (3) Good night (1120) Bad night (388)

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