Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They are going to name an STD after you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
