38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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