I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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