naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
