I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
