guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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