how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was born a porn star she said
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
