When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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