I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
