I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
