soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
