I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
