So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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