Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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