You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
