She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
