Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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