My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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