dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
