I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize