you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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