I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
