He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
