He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
