The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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