I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I could make wine with my vomit
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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