the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
