I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
