You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
