i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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