is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
