OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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