just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
