After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
