i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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