I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
that is very illegal...i love you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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