we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
