Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
