Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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