I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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